Some heavy stuff on my mind.

Much has been on my brain lately. Where do I begin? For those of you who have been reading my blogg you might already know that my hubby and I are unable to have our own biological children. Long story for those who are new to reading my blogg, so to put it in a nut shell….we tried some treatment, then went through our church adoption agency…waited 2+ years with no placement….and then decided to check out Foster Care….and learned that the state was starting up a new program called Foster to Adopt. That was 2 ½ years ago. After buying our home and me being so “Mommy Hungry” my eyes were green with envy from all the people I knew around me getting pregnant, I finally finished all my paperwork and mailed it into the Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS).

I mention that “I” finally finished my paperwork because Bryan was done with his stuff with in weeks….but I was the one dragging my feet. Very pessimistic is all I can say…and fearful too.
We did the Orientation for Foster Care Parents and Adoptive Parents, took the 2 week coarse for Foster Parents, got our TB testing done, as well as health check ups, and CPR license done, and then the home inspection. We received our Foster Care License in February of 2005 and a month later got the call about “Bug” and begun the day to day process of caring for this special little person, but always fearful to get too attached because of the chance he might be reunified with his birthmother or birthfather. As time went on the fear was not as intense every day, but only on the days for review hearings or when birth grandparents popped up into the picture after 15 months. It was enough to drive me to tears and it did, but I trusted in Heavenly Father that His promise to get me through what ever would happen, was true. However things turned out He would not leave my side. And He did keep His promise, because on those hard, scary days He was there…through a friend whom I could talk to, through Bug’s Caseworker, through my family, in my Scripture readings, and through the Comforter the Holy Ghost.

We did finally end up Adopting “BUG” on November 13, 2006! And he was Sealed to us in the Spokane, Temple, on November 18, 2006!

That being said….I once again am placing my trust in Heavenly Father that He will help me in my next quest of being a Mother.

Bryan and I met with an Adoption Placement Caseworker through DSHS last Thursday. She was suppose to be at our home at 1pm and I decided to keep Bug up from his nap so that she could meet him….but by 1:20pm she had not showed and it was now and hour and a ½ past his nap and I tried to put him down….but he was not going for it. He was tired but he was fighting it now. I called the Caseworker, and left her a message. I was a bit upset….not for not showing but for the fact that Bug was cranky with no nap. I was in for a very interesting afternoon. Then at 2pm she called, apologizing because she got an emergency call and was working on placing 2 baby boys…she didn’t have our number to call while she was away from her office. She did manage to finally meet with her at 2:30pm and Bug was a huge PILL! She got a quick picture of the three of us and then Bryan tired again to put him to bed….he cried for a few minutes and then he was silent. We had a good meeting. Got all caught up with the changes in the DSHS department and what her new position was.
2 ½ + years ago, even though Bryan and I were considered a Foster to Adopt home, DSHS called us not for children who we could adopt but rather Foster. The Foster to Adopt program was really new and everyone was still a bit confused on how it was suppose to work. That is, until Vicky Miles came into the picture 2 months ago. She told us that she has placed 20 children in adoptive homes just in the past 2 months that she has been officially in this new position.

Most Adoptive Families in the past were really only Foster Homes…with the hope of becoming Adoptive homes. Unfortunately, several families could possibly go through 5 or more placements before finally being able to adopt a child. Hearing this from Vicky made me realize that we were very blessed with our situation in regards to Bug and being able to adopt him. He was our first and only placement, thus far.

So we are on the list….Officially….waiting for placement of a girl. And the waiting begins. I am ok….with the wait. Because Bug sure keeps me busy and distracted.


Ok….I know this is a long, long post. But I must continue…you can stop reading now….if you need to….but I must continue.

In addition to this news…..I received an email from Bug’s Maternal Grandmother (MGM) the beginning of June. It had been several months since I have heard from her….long story…miscommunication…but seems to be cleared up now. MGM told me that Bug’s Birthmother (BM) had been calling her to speak to Bug’s older half sister that the MGM adopted in September of 2005. I guess BM told the MGM that she a new baby. I thought she said she was Pregnant, and mentioned this news to Vicky when we meet with her on Thursday. Vicky said that we should let them know we were open to raising this child too if the Bug’s BM was not able to care for the child. I felt weird about discussing this with the MGM, but went a head and sent an email back letting her know that we were available if need be. I got an email back stating that BM had the baby (boy) in February. That she really didn’t believe a word her own daughter was saying….which is sad really….but unfortunately Bug’s BM is famous for telling lies.

I went on line and did a search and found out that, yes Bug’s BM did have a baby boy on January 30. I know the child’s name, and the Birth Father’s (BF) name. It was posted online in the local newspaper where Bug’s BM lives now, where the new babies are listed. I called and left this information on Vicky’s voicemail. I asked her if there was anything I could do in regards to my concerns for the welfare of this child. I just wanted someone to check in on the child and Bug’s Birthmother and make sure this baby was safe, and cared for properly. She has had two other children already removed from her care and adopted.

Vicky called me back today (Monday) and she is working on contacting someone in CPS in the state where Bug’s BM is now living to see what information she can find. And let them know that this woman has had two children already removed from her care. She will call me back hopefully tomorrow.

I am kind of in a quandary on wither I should contact Bug’s BM and let her know I know about this new baby. She has not written us to tell us and I don’t know how to tell her that I have been in contact with Bug’s MGM (BM mother) and she was the one who told me about the new baby. What is frustrating is the fact that Bug’s BM has never told the MGM that Bug was even born. CPS contacted the MGM when they were doing relative checks, and that is how the MGM knew of Bug’s birth. His BM still to this day has never mentioned to the MGM she gave birth to Bug. DISTRESSING, and Exasperating at the same time.

So that is what has been on my mind lately.Some heavy stuff.