Have been having a tough few weeks. Pregnancy Hormones on the rampage I guess. I get mad at the most stupid things, and then find myself this week crying! Today being the worse day for crying. In fact my head hurts from all the tears that have fallen today.
I have been dealing with a sick child once again. It feels like he has been sick every single day since the week after his 3rd Birthday back in March. I am tired of being cooped up in the house. We have finally gotten some decent weather and I have a sick child in my home.
On top of Bug being sick, I have just been so incredibly tired. I had NO IDEA how tired I was going to be pregnant. I am shocked. It is also frustrating to me how tired and how exhausted I get just doing the simple day to day things I normally would do. I had no idea, and feel really sorry now when I would complain to others who were pregnant to just sick it up and be glad that they were pregnant, because I couldn't become pregnant but so desperately wanted to be. But know I understand.
I am trying not to complain; it has just been very eye opening to me. I keep reminding myself this is giving me a taste of what it will be like when she is born and I will have to care for a new born and a 3 year old. I will make it through, but I need to take breaks and try not to do it all. If things don't get done in the time I want them to get done I need to just let it go. I need to realize that the dirty dishes, laundry and bathroom can stay dirty or if Bryan feels the need to take care of them for me to just let him. Don't get upset if he doesn't put the dishes away exactly the way I would put them.
I tend to be a bit anal about where the cheese greater is stored in the kitchen. It has been an on-going battle with us. I just need to be grateful that he helps me out when I need an extra hand. He loves me and wants to make my life a bit easier. And I need to except his help with the idea that he loves me and that he is not saying "I have to do this because you are such a looser and can't do it yourself." He has NEVER said this to me, but I say it to MYSELF all the time. I need to work on not putting words into his mouth, or onto his actions of love and help.
That being said, I am going to try and remember that I can't do it all. Take baby steps. Work on letting go my perfectionist personality, and allow others to help me out. And instead of just giving up if I can't make something work the way I want it to, keep trying and take it slow.
If all I can do is sweep my bathroom and kitchen floor each day, it is better than not doing anything at all because I don't have the time I would love to scrub it down completely. No matter how many deep cleanings you do, the dirt is always going to return. Just by sweeping each day the past week I am happier because I am not stepping on cat litter in the bathroom near the medicine cabinet, and that is a good thing. Right?
OK, I have rambled on long enough. I did want to share something I found on my blog reading today.
I read this on another blog and wanted to pass along the link. Please go give it a read.
Mother's Day: A day to Minister
I would love to read what you think in my comments.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Had no idea
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2 jittering comments:
Oh- Brenda! You ARE an amazing person, even if your floors aren't clean. I had to learn this too- and truly, my house is a pit sometimes, and I just have to let it go- even when I am not tired and pregnant. There is SO much more to life than a clean house. I think you are doing exactly what you need to be doing. You may feel like you will never stop feeling tired ever again- but you WILL survive! You will eventually get your energy back and be super mom again! Bug (and new baby) are so lucky to have you! Don't be too hard on yourself- your body is not your own, and that is hard to deal with. You are doing a lot for another human being, just by living through each day. Also- don't compare yourself to other women- each person's pregnancy is so different- for some it is easier, and some it is harder. I am just so happy for you to be going through prenancy- even if it is hard. Remember- no matter HOW hard your pregnancy is- the end result is MORE than worth it! There IS a purpose to your suffering. You also should never feel guilty for your earlier feelings before you were pregnant- truly it still is better to BE pregnant than NOT.
Being pregnant is ever changing. So many things change over the 9 months. With each child there is less and less you can do and have to give up. I can't even count the number of times the dishes sat in the sink for a few days. Very hard.
Rest when you can!
And that was a great link. Some great ideas.
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