Thursday, May 29, 2008

My brain is fried!

I feel like my brain is fried. I have been so forgetful lately that it is very frighting to me. Oh and extremely frustrating!

Because I can't seem to remember anything these days I find myself not wanting to do anything except lay on the couch and sleep. It doesn't help that I am so exhausted by 1pm each day that is pretty much all I can do. I know it is from being pregnant, but it still is no fun.

I have tried to not be so hard on myself. But I feel guilty that I am not doing more stuff with Bug. He is so bored and pretty much just watches TV or plays on the computer on PBS kids.org. I can barely make dinner for us either. I have so much more energy in the morning even if Bug does wake me up at 5:30am almost every single day.

I also wish that my blog was a bit more interesting right now. I have so many things I would like to journal about- my thoughts on being pregnant, how I am feeling, frustrations and joys of raising my son who seems to learn something new every single day, my loves and passions, but I can't seem to get my thoughts in order. My Brain is Fried!!! I have always been the kind of person who jumps from subject to subject like a Mexican jumping bean and my husband is the first person to agree with me on that, but I am even more so now. And what is really scary, I can't even keep up with my own thoughts. I can't! I can't believe I am typing that. As I am talking to my friends or trying to write down my thoughts or a short list of things I want to accomplish in a day, I find mind all over the place. I can't organize my own thoughts and that is frustrating.

I am learning allot during this time in my life and from this experience of being pregnant. Am I happy about what is happening to me? Most of the time I can say yes, but there are a few moments that I am not so sure. I kind of wish it was over, that my baby was in my arms right now, so that my body can get a rest. But then the the feedings will start and all the other exhausting stuff will begin. And I am one hundred present positive I will be wishing she was back in me and quite. I try to remember that when my back is aching, and my feet are numb and I can't sleep because my legs are crawling and twitching all over the place, or when my son is crying and he wants to sit on my lap. I am quickly loosing my lap and he is having a very difficult time dealing with that fact.

I have 3 more months to go...I am trying to stay positive. Trying really hard. I just hope that when I look back at this whole experience I will be able to say, "I would not change a thing I went through". I never thought I would be able to say that about my son's adoption, but I can truly say that. I am so glad how he came into my life....and dealing will all the stress was so worth it. I would not change a thing.

OK...I am not sure this is making any since at all. Sorry if it is just me rambling, jumping from subject to subject.

7 jittering comments:

anymommy said...

Pregnancy brain - it's the worst! When I was pregnant with my first, I was shopping in World Market for about an hour. Came out of the store and couldn't find my keys. Then, I looked in the car. Yep, in the ignition and I had left the car RUNNING the entire time! Yikes.

The last push (ha ha) is the hardest, but it's worth it ;-)

Grammy said...

Chin up Little Pink Girl!
God has blessed you...
Marvel at this wonderious happening...and take it all in.

Love

The Barney's said...

Hi Brenda, Lori Barney here! It's all just being pregnant!!!!! Plus you have a little guy who still takes that last little extra ounce of energy you have, leaving you NO energy. I am still just so excited for you guys!!! And your prego picture is so cute. Give yourself a break though, you ARE pregnant AND you have Spencer, so rest when you need to, even if he does have to watch a little extra TV. Luckily most of the PBS kid shows are pretty great. Lori

~Babychaser~ said...

Sometimes we need to ramble! :) I understand your feelings. Pregnancy has been hard for me both times! I spend the first 5-8 months sick sick sick... then the 7-9th are just uncomfortable. Some women love pregnancy, but I am one who always feels guilty saying I don't. It's a means to an end... but a means to a wonderful end. I love that I carried those precious little ones in me... and I definitely don't regret it... even it if was hard.

I'm sure you'll look back and be glad you did too... the memories will turn to sweet ones once the discomfort is gone. :)

jennbecc said...

Chin up....3 months will be over before you know it and she'll be here...then you'll miss it and wish you were pregnant all over again! :)

Love you!

Renee' H said...

It's one of God's miracles of "pregnancy amnensia." After my first was born, I came out of the surgery room ready for number two. True, some of it was the pain medication cursing through my body, but you will forget this. I was the lucky one. I had the pregnancy magic. I loved carrying a child. Baby number two was harder because I was chasing an almost four year old around. The forgetting part is hard too. My hubby was to laugh and say when I used the restroom, I was loosing IQ points as well. We both felt that way. I couldn't track conversations and forgot stories right in the middle of telling them. Ease up on yourself. Once your beautiful baby shows her lovely face, all (or almost all) will be forgotten.

Andrea said...

Pregnancy is hard. And sorry to say it gets worse near the end. But once it's all over you will feel GREAT. And you'll have a cute baby to hold and it will all be worth it.
Although, the pregnancy brain part doesn't go away. I feel like I'm in a fog for the first few months. Still forgetful and out of it. And tired like you've never been before.
It's all worth it in the end.
Take care!

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