New Year - New Resolutions - New Self

 

I am not one who likes to make New Years Resolutions.  I always seem to feel overwhelmed with my goals after a few weeks.  And revert back to the way I always do things. Eating, exercise, school, house work, free time, ect.  But I really would like to try and make a few changes this year.  Small simple changes in my life, in the hopes that I might feel better physically, as well as emotionally.

I have a few things I would like to try and I am hoping that putting these ideas out there for all to read that I might stick to them longer than normal and maybe make them become habits.

#1
I have seen the post on FB about the woman who drank a gallon of water every day for 4 weeks and have seen the before and after pictures.  The article said she was healthier, and lost weight, that her completion (dark circles under her eyes) disappeared.  I have been reading lot of other articles about the challenge and have found pros and cons for it.  And I think after weighing both sides I want to give this a try.  But I have decided to take it slowly.  I have tried to do this in the past but I am VERY forgetful about drinking enough water.  I know that I am probably dehydrated most of the time.  I have tried to drink the 8 glasses of water in the past and to be honest I have felt water logged.  If that is the correct term.  I have tried drinking smaller glasses through out the day, making a list to check off when I drink each glass.  I have set timers for myself.  I have put a 2Quart pitcher in the fridge to remind myself that I need to drink this much water through out my day.  Some of these stradigies have helped for a day or two but all in all I have reverted back to forgetting to drink enough water.  But I think I might have a solution.  I found an App for my phone called "Water Your Body".  It is a very simple App that just keeps track of the water you drink through out the day.  Also, it sends you little reminders to drink.  You can set it up for a certain time to start and end each day and how many reminder intervals you want.

I have had it a few days and so far it has been 2 successful days and 1 total BOMB!  But I am not giving up yet.  I am doing great so far today.  And I think this is because we are back into the Homeschooling-House Management stage.  I have somewhat of a schedule I stick to during the week and because of that I am more likely to follow through with this goal.  I will keep you posted.

#2
About 4 yrs ago now I was HEAVILY into Zumba. LOVED IT! Did it almost every single day.  WAS IN HEAVEN and felt GREAT about myself, and how I looked.  It made me happy.  But unfortunately 4 yrs ago I slipped on some ice near my car one morning and twisted my ankle.  Was very lucky that I did not break it.  But it took a long time to heal.  A year after the accident I tried attending a Zumba class and my ankle was tender.  I was discouraged because I knew the moves and wanted to do them but my body would not let me. Over the course  of the last 3 yrs my ankle has healed and I have no problems with it, but I am VERY overweight and out of shape. It is like how I was when I started Zumba 4 yrs ago.  But back then I didn't know any of the moves.  This time I do, and get frustrated when I can't keep up like I use too.  So, I have been mulling over ideas and a solution to this problem.  I LOVED Zumba.  I loved the music, and how fun it was and upbeat.  I miss how I felt after work outs.  That high you get.  And I am determinded to try and get it back.  We don't own a YMCA membership any longer.  But I have seen so many videos posted on YOUTUBE that I think I could create my own list of songs and routines I can do right at home.  Make my own playlist.  Taking it SLOWLY though.  So here is my plan.  I have found several really fun and simple zumba routines to start out with.  Starting today I will watch only one video, and work out in my living room with it.  I will do this each day Monday-Friday before school starts.  Granted this week will only be 4 mins each day, but over the course of the week I will get better at the routine.  Next Monday I will add another new Zumba video to my playlist.  This means I will have the first video still but then I will also have the 2nd video.  Doing both of these videos for a week.  Now it will be probably 10 mins long or close to that.  The next week add another and then another the following week.  So by the end of the month I will have 4 routines I am doing each morning.  It will not be much time but at least it is something.  And I am hoping that my family will understand and respect that this is "My TIME".  I will keep you posted on the progress of this too.

I am posting the link here for the first Video that I will be doing this week.  "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift- Robin Goelman video.  Check it out and if you want to join me with this let me know you are.  I will be posting links to each video I add each week.  :)

Hope everyone is having a GREAT 2015 so far.  ONLY 5 days into it, but I think it is a promising year. 

~ Brenda

Crochet*Project~ Basket

Working on a very cute crochet project.  

I started it on Sunday.  About half way through.  I plan on trying to make a PUG Face on it instead of an Owl.  :)

~Brenda

Good Vibrations!!!

My new bike arrived last week!  The day the UPS driver dragged the box up to my front porch felt like Christmas Morning to me.  I was so giddy!

Bryan quickly got to work putting it together.  Did not take much time.

I took it for a quick trip around the block before getting back to school work with Bug.  :)

It is very comfortable, and I can see myself riding it frequently with my family.  We have done one family ride so far, and I hope for many more.

~Brenda

BOXES!

Busy packing. We have a truck rented for this Wednesday to move out of our house and into the rental house. Even though we don't have to be out tell the 28th.

I can't believe our house sold so fast. 4 days. Makes my head spin.

I am excited about the change, because change is always good. It helps me to step out of my comfort zone. I need to get things done for the move, get boxes, call companies to move addresses, and ask for help from friends. The last one is the hardest for me. I find it so difficult to ask for help. I can't explain really why it makes me feel so uncomfortable. Even when people offer to help I feel strange. I feel like I need to do it all myself. I don't want to be a burden to anyone.

I did try something different this time since I am going crazy...literal. The kids are making me crazy while I have been packing. This is my first move with kids. And two of them too. My visiting teachers offered to help me out with the kids and also my friend Alyson will be helping us out for the next two days. THANK GOODNESS!

Bug seems excited about the move. He keeps talking about his new blue/green room.

We will see if it will last.

I dislike moving. I am sure you all can relate. But it will be a very good thing. As the decision to move was made several issues with the neighborhood has surfaced. The latest one was on Friday of last week when I was trying to get Ladybug out of the car (her seat is on the street side) and as I was pulling her out a car came speeding up to the van. Our street is very, very narrow. I mouthed, "SLOW DOWN!" The guy went past still way to fast, then stopped and backed up. I thought "GREAT! A guy who wants to have a confrontation. Just what I need, to complete this stressful day." He says to me, "I was not driving fast. It just sounds like I was. I have kids of my own and I don't drive fast. I was not driving fast." I just looked at him stone faced and said, "Everyone drives to fast on this street." And just stared at him. He realized I was not to be messed with. He finally agreed he was driving to fast and drove away. I am so done living on this street. So change is a good thing regarding this situation.

If you don't see a post for the next few days please now I am thinking about all my blogging friends. Wishing I was blogging instead of packing and moving.

~Brenda

Not enough...

Not enough hours in the day.
Not enough sleep at night.

It is that time of year when I get all gloomy. Why? Living in the northern hemisphere during the winter months means less sun light, which means I am more depressed, stressed, unhappy, you name it, I got it.
Put on top of it all a very needy almost 4 month old baby, and a almost 4 year old very active son, and it is a recipe for one very stressed out MOMMY. This Mommy needs a break. Yet when I get Bryan's help with the kids when he is home, I still can't seem to get my much needed break. Lady Bug seems to only want me right now, and even when she has me, she still is not happy. Doesn't help that she only takes 30 minute naps during the day. What is up with that??? I have tried everything I can think of to help her to sleep longer so that she is not so cranky by the end of the day, but nothing seems to work. It is as if she has this clock that goes off in her head and it is set for 30 minutes.

I am sorry this is such a downer post. I have been trying to stay positive, in the hopes that my feelings will change, and things will improve (or am I just avoiding the unavoidable???). Well, I am done acting like things are going great, because they are not. I am thankful for my life and where I am at right now in it, but I am tired! Physically tired. I wish that I could get more sleep. I wish that I didn't feel like I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Constant interruptions is my life. I can't get anything done (cleaning, showering, making dinner, reading, teaching Bug a lesson etc..) with out being interrupted by someone, and everyone. It is exhausting. I have so many things half done. And this makes me unhappy, looking around at all the things I need to get done. Wanting to get them done, but alas not being able to do them.

I keep telling myself that it will get better. This is just a season...and things will change.

Bug is no longer in the Montessori school as of the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I got the impression that the program was not working out with him from some comment that the teacher was telling me. He is so active, and likes to run around and this school didn't do this. It was a wonderful program, and I think Lady Bug might do well in it but only time will tell. But it is not for Bug. Not right now. The teacher at the Montessori school told me that I should check out the gifted school here in town. Since his reading level is at the First Grade level, and now he is doing MATH! I am not sure. We are still waiting for Occupational Therapy to start up again (hopefully in January) and I want to talk to his new therapist about whether they think it is wise to put him in this school. His social skill are so lacking.

And I am at a loss about potty training. I feel so frustrated about the whole thing. I don't know what I am doing, and I am exhausted trying to keep Bug focused on wanting to use the potty to leave his deposits, rather than his pull-up. I am embarrassed that he is not trained. I am tired of hearing "NO" from my little guy. I don't have time to sit with him while he is trying to go. Lady Bug screams for my attention during these times.

Sorry such a downer post. I just needed to get these thoughts (worries) off my mind.

Any advice anyone has will be greatly appreciated.

My 6 Favorite Things...

My friend Renee tagged me....



6 TV shows:
Heroes
Fringe
Supernatural
Samantha Who?
Law and Order
90210



6 Favorite Restaurants:
Applebees
TGI Fridays
Cyrus O'Learys
The Onion
The Melting Pot
Red Robin

6 Things that happened today:
Got woken up at 5am to a child taking all his clothes out of his dresser.
Baked 24 cupcakes for Trunk or Treat event tonight
Made Green, Orange, and Purple frosting for cup cakes
Started the Taco Soup Crock Pot recipe for tonight
Ate left over Chicken Bake for an early lunch
Found something very scary. Read this post to learn about it.


6 Things I am looking forward to:
Halloween-Trick or Treating with the kids.
Thanksgiving dinner with my friend Alyson's family.
Lady Bug sleeping longer than 2 hours at a time during the night between feedings.
Christmas Decorations going up.
Christmas Morning with Bug!
Wednesday night- the 29th! Bryan and I are going out for a date! Much NEEDED! To celebrate our 12th Anniversary.

6 Things on my wish list:
More blogging time
New hair style
Loose some weight
A schedule for the kids, so I don't feel like I am scattered brained.
Bug would potty train himself. *we have returned to pull ups...he doesn't want to use the potty*
Maid to clean my house and a cook to make me dinner.

6 people to tag:
Jenny
Alyson
Jennine
Andrea
Mary
MaryRuth *only if you have time~ as I know you are really busy now a days*

2 month check up.

Lady Bug had her 2 month check up today. It was vaccination day. Uggg. I don't like vaccination day. Bug came with me too to get the flu shot because he had such a bad time when he got sick back in August, and I am hoping to prevent any reoccurring situations in the months ahead.

First we had Ember's stats taken.
Weight ~ 10 pounds, 13 ounces (51%)
Height ~ 23 1/2 inches (89%)
Head ~ 15 1/4 inches (52%)

She is looking good!

Then Dr. Thompson came in and checked her out. She has some really goopy eyes right now. We are going to keep an eye on them. Continue the warm washcloths and now try putting a little saline drops in from time to time through out the day. Dr. Thompson thinks it will clear up as her eyes continue to develop. We will see.

Then it was time for the not so fun part. I decided to have Bug go first with his flu shot. He cried so bad. *I noticed tonight while getting his jammies on that he is bruised in his thigh where the shot was given~ :( *
Then it was Lady Bug's turn. Oh, my poor poor baby! She cried so hard! Held her breath for what seemed like eternity, and caused Bug to start crying again and cover his ears. It took quite a bit of comforting to calm her down. When I was trying to get her legs back in her sleeper she cried, because I think she thought I was going to give her another shot. She stopped when realized I was just putting her clothes back on.

After I got the kids both calmed down, we drove over to my Anti Coagulation Appointment. I have been going once a week for several weeks because my numbers are not climbing, but went down. It has been at 2.0 for the past 4 weeks. It needs to be 2.5 or 2.6. Today I got some good news. It has finally jumped up to 2.3. I am to continue my dosing for the next week and then next Thursday I have another appointment. I am hoping it will have increased a bit more, or stayed the same. Don't want it to drop. So I am keeping my fingers crossed. If they can't get my number higher, I might have to go back to the inject ables. I REALLY don't want to have to give myself shots two times a day. Having to do that for a week when I came home from the hospital was enough for me for my life time. I am so glad that I am not diabetic, and have to give myself insulin shots. That would be the worse.

The rest of the day has just been me dealing with two kids who do not feel too good. Bug has been especially defiant today, and whining all the time. It really is starting to get old. He is going to bed early. I am just hoping that he sleeps through the night ok. We have had two really good nights with him falling asleep all by himself and staying in his room sleeping tell 6am. NICE! ok...some of you might think that 6am is really to early, but this kid usually gets up anywhere from 4am to 5am. So 6am is really good. Got to go put him to bed, and then take care of Lady Bug. She is doing better, but not really all that happy.

I am still alive...

I am still here....things are going much better in the home taking care of Lady Bug and Bug now that Bryan's returned to work.

There are some trying times and moments but all in all things are improving every day.
Thanks to my friend Alyson who came over sever evenings last week I am feeling pretty good now, and think I can make this work. She is going to come over a few more nights and then when I need her. It is nice to have her here to talk too, and her son plays with Bug, which is always good.

I have been taking pictures this week and will try and post some tomorrow.
I am heading to bed. Snuggle time with Lady Bug until Bryan comes home from work.

Surviving

Hi All!
Just a quick update. I survived my first night by myself with the two kids. Bryan went back to work yesterday.

It went really well. Only a few times I got a bit over whelmed. When Bug wanted to head to bed at 6:30pm and I was trying to feed Lady Bug. It was a bit of a challenge, but I survived.

I have some fun posts that I am brainstorming on to share in the next few weeks. I thought it would be good to try and focus on fun things that Lady Bug and Bug are doing, as well as my husband. I think I am going to work on several posts telling the story of how Bryan and I met and started dating, kind of like a Love Story. This October 26th we will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary. It would be fun to think about that time in my life. So be on the look out for that.

I also have some pictures to share and a video of Lady Bug that I took in the past week. I just need to get it uploaded. Uploading the videos are slow sometimes, so it takes a bit of time.

Oh, the update on Bug's sickness. He still has to do the nebulizer treatments 3 times a day for the next 3 days, and then 2 times a day for the next 2 days after that, and then one time a day for a week after that. I am trying to fit them in. Trying. Bug might have asthma, but the Dr. are not wanting to diagnose him with this yet, since he is only 3 years old. I think he does have asthma though since this keeps happening to him. He also had some breathing trouble when he was born and that is why he had to stay in the hospital for 13 days after he was born.

So, that is the update....I am off to work on some posts, and take care of my kidlets.

Hope you all are having a great Friday!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Picture from here.

Well, it has finally happened. I am turning 40!

Gotcha! Actually I am turning 38 today. I thought it would help me feel better about turning 38 if I realized that I was really not turning 40. Kind of.

My hubby helped me out today and fed Lady Bug at 4am this morning, and then at 6am and allowed me to sleep in tell 8:30am! I was soooooo tired!

He wished me a happy birthday when I came out and then told me that he was sorry that he didn't have anything for me. *I figured it was only fair since I TOTALLY forgot his birthday this year* I was grateful for the chance to sleep in. And this made me happy.

Later this morning I went to run an errand and when I came back I was so hungry. I had realized that I had not had breakfast and proceeded to make myself a sandwich since it was almost 12 noon and I needed to take my coumadin medication and eat something too. Bryan came up to me and said not to eat to much, because he had a surprise. I was shocked.

He told me that Shelby was on her way over at 1pm to watch the kids and he was taking me out to a movie and lunch/dinner at Red Robin! I was excited, and very surprised. It being a Monday and Shelby off for the day from work to watch the kids. It is going to be so nice to get out just the two of us. *smiles*

So Shelby is on her way....and I will be spending time with my favorite guy on MY DAY!

Happy Birthday to me!

Oh, and I did get some birthday cards from family members *Bryan was hiding them from me when the mail came. I thought no one sent me birthday cards this year* and Bryan also got me a gift. Something he said that I really needed. A Back Scratcher!!! It is a very nice one! Now I can scratch my own back. LOL

Hope you all are having a great Monday!

p.s. Bug is still really sick. His poor little lips are chapped. *sad*

Another Award... *smiles*

I received another award from my fellow blogger friend Brenda at "Welcome to Country Romance from the Heart". I am so grateful to her for thinking of all her blogging friends during this very stressful time in her life.

She has been such a good friend even though we have not met each other face to face. Even though we have not met I know we would be GREAT FRIENDS! I think Heavenly Father is using the blogging community to help woman connect with other woman all across the globe. People whom you would not have the chance to ever meet because they live in a different country or state you can meet, share your lives with them, get feed back and not feel alone. Blogging about what I am going through each day and having my blogging friends share their comments uplifts me and encourages me. I also love reading other blogs and taking their ideas and suggestions and incorporating them into my own life....or even better yet, when a blogging friend is down and pours her/his heart out to the world I can post a comment that expresses to them they are not alone. That someone else out in this big world understands what they are going through and is not judging them, but trying to uplift them, encourage them during this time.

So now I have the privilege to pass this award on! And I am giving it to every person who reads my blog! YEP!

All you have to do is click on the award picture and save the picture on your computer then create a post saying you got an award from me, and past the award in the post. Then it is time to PASS IT ON! You can pass it on to as many people as you want too. It is up to you.

Thanks to all of you who read my blog and also those who leave comments. The comments always uplift me, and encourage me in my daily trials. I am grateful for all my friendships I have made.

Relaxing today...trying anyway.

I am going to take it easy today. I am wiped out!!!
My whole body hurts.
I slept in my own bed last night and Bryan slept down stairs on the air mattress. I must have slept so hard...because I HURT NOW!!! Even my right ear. *L* I did sleep deeply, because I do remember dreaming (finally). Can't remember what it was but I do remember dreaming.

Going to see the Chiropractor this morning and then I plan on relaxing.

Over did it? Part II (S'mores & June Bugs)

This is the second part of my day on Tuesday.....read here for the first part.

I then had to get ready for Book Club last night. My friend Mary was going to drive to my home but she forgot about Book Club so I headed out to Emily's house on my own. There were so many people there! It was a great discussion. I soaked it all in, even though I had yet to read the book. It was a very heated discussion actually. Some ladies really enjoyed the book; while others were disappointed. I just was happy to be out with my friends.

We were all outside since the weather was nice and Emily had a fire pit for roasting Marshmallows to make Smores! I have never had a smore before so it was fun roasting the marshmallows on the hand made sticks and then watch them goo all over the gram cracker and chocolate candy bar. It tasted great! But then, all my fun quickly changed when a JUNE BUG flew at me!!!!

Yep a JUNE BUG!!!! EWWWWWWW! I screamed and then wanted to cry and scream more and more and more. I must have looked so funny to all the other ladies. I was so scared by it landing on me several times that I almost peed my pants. When it was all over I had to go use the bathroom and then I thought it was best to head home anyway....it was almost 9:30pm and I had a 35 minute drive home. So I said good night to my friends.

But before I could head out the ladies told me they wanted to all get together for a little celebration at a restaurant to celebrate Lady Bug. I was so shocked. In fact I wanted to cry tears of joy because I had been feeling like no one cared about me and what I was going through so late in my pregnancy. It really meant a lot that they wanted to do something. I had invited all the ladies in the book club to my baby shower back in June but only two of them were able to attend because of other things going on in their lives. So I agreed like I said and plans were made for next Tuesday for a girls night out to celebrate Lady Bug.

I got home planning to head to bed but Bryan was up and we got to talking. And hour later, Bug was waking up crying. He really over did it yesterday witch caused him to have problems staying asleep last night. He was up one other time- crying. But I managed to calm him down and get him back to sleep.

That is the update for Tuesday....Now to work on what has happened today....Wednesday...for that I need a whole nother post.

Stay Tuned.

Over did it?

I think I might have over did it yesterday...

So much stuff happened yesterday. Let me see if I can paraphrase a bit.

Bryan and Bug caught the bus down town for the day at about 10am...leaving me alone to get ready for my lunch date with Alyson. I thought it would be a nice quite morning but I was soon to realize that was NOT going to happen.

After taking my shower I found a sick kitty in my bedroom peeing on a pillow on the floor. I called my vet to get her in to make sure she didn't have a bladder infection. They told me they couldn't get her in tell tomorrow at 8am....so I put her into the bathroom with me while I finished getting ready. Ten minutes later I was calling the vet to beg to get her in sooner because she had been in and out of the litter box 20 times since I had last called. She didn't look like she felt good at all. They agreed to allow me to drop her off and would see her when they had a free moment. I called Alyson to tell her I needed to push lunch plans back and then I called Bryan and told him what was happening. It took me some time to locate the cat carrier and then trying to get a very unhappy cat into it was a challenge but accomplished. Then I was serenaded by the howling coming from the cage all the way to the vet. I filled out some paper work and then headed home to meet up with Alyson.

By the time I got home the Vet had gotten a change to see my kitty and was calling me. She told me that she wanted to do blood work on her since she still had not put on any weight (in fact had lost another pound since she saw her a few months back) and then prescribed her some antibiotics just in case she did have a bladder infection- she was not sure really if that was what was going on really. The blood work results would not be back tell tomorrow....and we would find out if she had something else going on. Hypothyroid, Diabetic, or something to do with her kidneys.

Alyson showed up while I was on the phone and when I was done talking to the vet we headed out for lunch. We went to Red Robin for a yummy Guacamole Burger! YUMMMM. And then to Toys R Us to buy a Birthday present for Bug's friend who is having a Birthday Party this Saturday. Bug is excited about attending. I hope I survive. :)

While we were shopping, I got so tired. Backache and my feet swelled up soooooooo bad!

We then went and picked up my kitty from the vet and came home. Bryan and Bug were home when I got home. I guess they had a very busy morning as well.

They rode the bus to the mall. Ran around, played in the play area, then bought Daddy some new shoes, and got lunch.

Then they went to the park across the street to play tell the bus arrived. Took the bus back down town. Went to Mobius to play and then upstairs for ice cream and catch the bus home.

I crashed on the couch and asked Bryan to rub my feet that were now swollen like balloons....I no longer had a foot/ankle/cafe...but more like a "Fo-Can-kle"! My right foot swells up a lot more than my left.

stay tuned for more!!......................

Thanks....& more random thoughts

First off, I wanted to thank you all for your nice comments on my long post where I talked about my feelings about losing my Foster to Adopt Son last year at this same time. It really means a lot that you guys would care enough to say such nice things. Your comments have helped.

I am doing better today, and dealing with my feelings better. Time will heal me more, and once Lady Bug is finally born I will have my mind on other things. Good times to come.

I have been feeling really cranky the past few days too, because it is getting to the end of this pregnancy process, and my Body is Tired! I have been feeling guilty that I want it to be over. And have had several people tell me to just be patient and let Lady Bug come when she is suppose to come. I know I should not rush things...because as soon as she is born then I will have my hands full. Right now she is quite and not crying, and everything is contained, but to tell you the truth, I really want to start the next phase. I am not looking forward to the sleepless nights (oh, wait, I am already experiencing that with getting up to go pee every hour!!!).

I look at the clock each time I get up to go to the bathroom and here is the times I got up last night. *L*

I went to bed at 9:50pm

11pm

12:34am

1:55am

3:16am

5:26am

Then Bug was up at 5:58am

People talk about the strange vivid dreams they have during pregnancy. But I have yet to have any really interesting ones (well maybe 2 or 3 scary ones). I think it is because I only get about an hour of sleep and then I am woken up by either my legs aching or the urge to go pee. Could explain.

I was blessed by Heavenly Father yesterday by a church friend calling me to get my results for Visiting Teaching last month. I have to be honest I was dreading calling her back, because I was not very successful. I had hoped to get some notes to the sister's I and my partner (who was out of town) visit. But it didn't happen. I just didn't want to be a flake. I called the church friend back and she gave me exactly what I needed. She told me to cry my eyes out at my next appointment! *giggles* Well, she did say to do this but to explain to my Dr. what I am going through and try to get a plan in order so that I can see a finish line. I plan on doing this tomorrow at my next appointment. I had hoped that what the Dr. had promised me 4 weeks ago was happening (the procedure -stripping membranes) but he suddenly has changed his mind or is acting like he doesn't remember saying it.

What hurts right now....

Low tummy (below belly button), Making it hard to walk, sit, lay down, any position basically.

My skin on my tummy feels like it is burning....from all the stretching. I have stretch marks like crazy.

My hands hurt....all the time....the only thing that doesn't make them hurt is typing....well for a little bit. Sleeping is the worse...they get so stiff that I can't close my fingers, or put any pressure on them to help lift me up out of bed to go to the bathroom. I have tried an ice pack on my wrists to see if that will help, NOPE...in fact made it worse...so I tried Heat, but nothing....not worse though, just felt the same.

My feet are swollen, my nose is swollen (just noticed it today) and my hands are swollen. :( and because they are swollen they hurt and ache most of the time. :(

I can't bend over or squat to pick up things that I drop on the floor because my grip is gone. I get light headed/ and lose my breath when I walk up stairs....

my right knee gave out on me the other day when I was trying to get up off the floor when I was playing with Bug.

I know that many other woman who have experienced pregnancy have dealt with the same stuff and they survived...and it will be over soon....and I really am not trying to have everyone feel sorry for me. I am really mentioning these things so that I can go back and read them in a few months to remember how it felt. How unhappy I was when things get bad down the road, and they will (I will have good days and then not so good days) so I want to remember how I felt now to remind myself that it will not last. Hoping it will help me to get through what the future holds.

Well, enough rambling....

My friend Alyson wants to take me out to lunch today...since we have not gotten together much this summer. It will be good to get out and have some adult conversation.

Bug and Bryan I think are going to Mobius today.

I also have my Monthly Book Club meeting tonight. The book for tonight is the 4th book in the Twilight series - Breaking Dawn....and I have not read it yet! (actually I have yet to read the 2nd or 3rd books....I just have not felt like reading it. ) But I am planning on still going. I know that is weird, but I am the type of person who fast forwards to the end of the reality shows to see who gets voted off before I can watch the programs. *L* I get to stressed watching the show wondering who is going to get voted off, and the shows love to draw out the suspense and it DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!

I know! I am already CRAZY! *L*

A lot on my mind....(VERY LONG POST)

Picture form Allposters.com

I have had a lot on my mind lately. Many of you know that we were placed with a Foster Baby Boy last year around this time, and it didn’t end pretty. * check out my archives for August 2007 and September 2007 if you want to know more about it, or you can click on Foster Care label and read the posts. * It was a very heart wrenching experience for me that I am realizing I have not completely healed from. I feel like I have been on an emotional loop…replaying the whole experience over and over the past few months, and getting more intense as his birthday comes closer. It is frightening when I can’t stop thinking about the little baby who now is a year old…and is no longer a baby.

I find myself wondering if I have walked passed him in a grocery store or at a playground. I never did meet the Great Aunt and Uncle who took him, so this makes me wonder if I have seen him and just didn’t know I had.

I also wonder if he is physically ok….and if he has any delays because of the drug exposure during utero….and how he is doing emotionally. My hearts wants to hope he is great, and there is nothing wrong with him, and that his Great Aunt and Uncle love him very much and are taking wonderful care of him, and he is thriving, and happy most of the time. And if he does have any problems they are handling them and getting him any help that he needs so that he can over come these challenges that he has been faced with.

I wonder if he sees his Birthmother, and if she realizes that she was way out of bounds doing drugs during her pregnancy. I wonder if she feels guilty, and sorry and has gotten her life together. Her son had no choice when he was not born yet and she chose to do drugs. (METH) I wonder if she realizes how serious it is to do those drugs and that she was not only effecting her life and body but this little life inside of her. He depended on her for everything. I still don’t think she deserves to raise him because of her choices but I do hope she has gotten her life together because everyone deserves to be happy and healthy. And even though I am still angry at her choices I do want her to succeed in life for the future. I have hope in the fact that people can make a change if they really want too. It doesn’t mean that she deserves to have this child in her care, because that choice has already been made, but any future choices she can make with a clear head should be good choices. There has got to be consequences for your actions.

I wonder why Heavenly Father wanted me to except Squeaker into my home and my care. I am freaked out because Lady Bug is due the same month that Squeaker was born and all the heartache I was going through last year at this time. I have had friends say it is to help me heal from my pain, and others have said Heavenly Father has a plan. I have had the thought cross my mind that Heavenly Father really wanted me to be a mother of two even when I didn’t want too. When Squeaker was taken I put my foot down and refused to do anything. I removed our name from the Foster to Adopt list, and closed our license. Bryan kept bringing up the issue that Bug needed a sibling, and I dragged my feet about doing anything to increase our family. I was stubborn, angry and annoyed.
I wanted to have control of my life so that I felt safe. So that is why I didn’t do anything.

I did finally go back and read the posts I did last year at this time about how I was feeling during that time. I have to admit I was fearful of reading them, because I thought I would cry and not stop. I was worried that reading them would make me feel angry again, and I would not truly let go of my feelings. Was not sure if it was healthy to read them. But I do feel good about reading them. I realized that I was very coherent with my thoughts and feelings I was going through. I thought I must have sounded like a crazy woman when I was typing my heartache last year. But I realize that I was able to express myself pretty clearly despite the fact that I was so angry, and hurt.

I am still not sure why I went through that experience. Not sure of the purpose. Still hurt when I think about the stupid things that caseworker did. It doesn’t help that I have a few friends who are dealing with ignorant case workers in their current situations they are going through; trying to care for these children in the foster care system and hopefully permanently raise the child placed with in their care.

My friend Renee’ and her husband were placed with a baby girl the middle of June only to have her taken from them a week later, and I have got to tell you, I cried, and cried, and cried when I got the call from my friend. I knew exactly how she was feeling. Hearing her tell me what happened brought all my memories back of last year. And I really had a hard time dealing with it. I knew I was sad for her, but I was also sad for me. The two feelings were blended so closely that it was hard to see where one feeling ended and the other began. I mourned for her and myself. Maybe I needed to morn, because I can’t remember crying so hard when Squeaker left. I was sad, and angry but I had to continue on, and I needed to protect myself. I remember it only took me about two days to disassemble the bedroom that Squeaker was in. I changed it into a computer room. I could not look at it as a baby’s bedroom. All the clothes were boxed up, and the crib was taken down, and the toys boxed up. The computer desk was set up and computer moved into the room as well as a bookshelf. It looked like a baby never slept in that room. So maybe I truly never really mourned the loss that I experienced.
I let anger and bitterness and fear swallow me up.

The fact that Lady Bug is due this month has opened my eye up to the fact that Heavenly Father is trying to help me through this time. This scripture keeps popping up on other peoples blogs and I feel that Heavenly Father has brought this scripture to my mind recently to help me understand why things in my life are the way they are.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” (KJV)

This scripture popped up in my life right before I met Bryan. I held onto this scripture with all my strength back then in my life. I tried to understand what it meant. I read other translations of this scripture. I use to think that it meant that Heavenly Father had plans for me that were just for me, to help me progress. He loved me and had good things for me. I still think this is what the scripture means to me. I am no scholar and I have never taken any theology classes. I believe that the Holy Spirit helps us to understand the scriptures we read, based on the issues that are going on in our lives at each moment in our lives.


Sorry for the rambling, but I just felt I needed to get these thoughts out of my head. I have been trying to deal with them on my own the past week and can’t seem to shake them on my own….so I thought I would give this a try.

Time heals all things. And I have faith that Heavenly Father is in control and knows what he is doing and is with me through each and every trial in my life. I will get all my answers to why I went through certain trials I my life when this life is over. I also know that I am not alone. Heavenly Father is with me through everything I go through. He uses the Holy Spirit, Scriptures, Friends and Family and sometimes even strangers to help me not feel alone.

Memories

Have seen this on a few of my friend's blogs and I like them thought it was really fun to try....so here it goes.

Please participate!

1. As a comment on my blog, leave a memory that you and I have together. It doesn't matter if you know me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
(You can play this even if we're just blog friends... something that you remember from our blog time together! haha!) If you don't have a blog and don't know how to sign in, please comment as anonymous.

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see what memories people have of you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses.

I would love to hear what you guys remember about me!

6 Quirks meme

I have been tagged by my Sister for The 6 Quirks Meme.

I am thinking…what the heck??? Why would she say I am quirky? I am perfectly normal in every single way. It is going to take me a very long time to come up with 6 Quirks since I am so normal. *smiles*
But thought I would at least indulge her and give it a go.

Well, here's the rules:
1. Link the person(s) who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag 6 fellow bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.


My 6 quirks

1. I can’t sleep with socks on my feet at night even if it is freezing or the middle of winter.

2. When I am drinking something with ice in it I have to use a straw. Don’t like the cold water or liquid on my front teeth.

3. I have very sensitive ears and a light sleeper. I can be wearing ear plugs and still hear my Son crying in the baby monitor. *I don’t wear the ear plugs because he is crying, but to help me fall asleep and sometimes my Son wakes up in the middle of the night from a dream and I am woken up by hearing him cry in the baby monitor.*

4. I have a huge desk calendar hanging up on my fridge so I can write in big letters the activities that Bug, Bryan and I are doing.

5. I love making lists on plain white paper using colored markers. I have a “Bed Time Routine” for my son posted on my fridge and a “laundry washing list” for each day of the week hanging up in my kitchen too. I really enjoy looking at the colors.

6. I get obsessed with collecting information on Homeschooling, and have like 200+ web sites and free down loaded worksheets.

Now I TAG the following people:

MaryRuth
Renee' Pendagrass
Tami
Alyson
Jamie
Mary

Chatching you up! And a cute picture!!!!!!

Here is a picture of the Pionees that I have in my vase.

I have been very busy this week, getting ready for my sister and mom arriving on Friday!



Just a quick update about the movie "Kung Fu Panda" that Bryan and I saw on Tuesday night. It was sooo much fun. I really enjoyed it. It wasn't anything special but just fun and entertaining to me. And the fact that it was only 90 minutes long really helped me. I did have to get up one time to use the rest room and stretch my legs but that was all.



The Milk Shake that I got from Ben & Jerry's was soooooo good! I ate it before the movie even started. But it totally hit the spot. I have been craving ICE CREAM strongly for the past two weeks. I think it is the calcium that my body is craving. I have been wanting to eat cheese a lot, as well as drinking my soy milk.



When we got home from the movie Bug's Baby sitter and my very good friend Shelby (she works at my old job GSSAC) told us the funniest thing Bug said to her that evening before going to bed.

She got him dressed in his T-Shirt and shorts for bed, and asked him who was on his T-Shirt. He looked at her and she said, "Cars" the he movie Cars and Bug's reply was "Coming to DVD". She had to laugh. Would you say he watches TV a bit much???



Yesterday Bryan and I took Bug to his very first movie in a movie theater. During the summer our local movie theater has free movies for kids. I was planning on meeting up with my girl friends who meet on Tuesdays for playgroup but Bryan and I got to the theater late and the movies had already started. I could not find them. We took Bug into the theater that was playing "Doogal" The movie was very Stupid/Dumb/Not made for adults at all/boring/etc... but the KIDS loved it, including Bug! He did so good sitting in his chair. He ate his pop corn and gummy worms and had a Blast! He really enjoyed the movie. It was fun to see him being so good and well behaved. Amazing is all I can say. Next week is a Veggie Tale movie *not sure which one* but we plan on going again. And we figure if Bug starts acting up then we can leave since it was FREE anyway.



Here is a picture of Bug in his new costume!!! I just had to buy it. I was trying to sneek it out of the store with out Bug seeing it so that I could surprise him with it at home, but he saw it at the bottom of the cart when we were unloaded everything at the check out. He looked down through the cart and saw it and said "What?" It was so funny.


I'm Spider-MAN!!!!

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It is really ME! SEE!!!

Kisses

My Mom sent this link to look at pictures of this new little baby giraffe born a few days ago in the same town that my Sister and Brother -in- Law live. I LOVE giraffe's as much as I love lady bugs. I just fell in love with this picture of the Mommy Giraffe kissing her baby. Look at her lips. Animals care about their babies too!

* Going to my monthly appointment with my doctor. Bug is coming with us. I am excited about him coming. I hope he does well, and is not to bored. I hope he likes hearing the baby's heart beat. We will see.